Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What Goes Around, Comes Around

I was driving one day when I heard a local community message on the radio. It went something like this:
"There is an increasing statistics of people sending off their parents to old folk's homes these days, and the number is worrying. We should take care of our parents the same way they did for us. Is this an example we want to portray to our children?"
Before continuing, I would like to clarify that in my country Malaysia such homes are funded by welfare programs and donations. People usually send old folks to such homes because they are avoiding the responsibility. And when people get sent to such homes, they are usually "unwanted". In these homes old people live with basic amenities, and usually with insufficient medical facilities. Simply put, it's a sad place to live in.

(I am fully aware of old folk's homes in other countries (i.e. USA) where such homes are places where old people get good medical care, and people pay a lot for the services.)

One would ask what kind of children would send off their parents to a welfare home like that? Judging the children, it is a cruel action. But does anyone ever asked why?

If we generally view the current culture, parents send off their children to nurseries and daycare as soon as they turn 60 days old. 60 days is the number of days allotted for maternity leave for a working woman. Babies are being taken care of by strangers, and they grow up in such business units daily from as early as 6.00 a.m. until as late as 8.00 p.m.

For those who have maids at home, they usually save lots of money by asking the maid to take care of as many of 4 kids at the same time. I've heard stories that even at night if a children needs to go to the washroom the parent would wake up the maid.

(Maids are paid housekeepers living together with the family, usually Indonesian women.)

I am 100% against the idea of letting maids take care of children. They are untrained to educate children, but they are trained to do house chores. A nanny is better. Those are two different roles parents seems to be confused with. But nannies are expensive. Yes, they are.

On weekends, family time - parents drove off to watch a movie or shopping without the kids, after lying to the kids in the face, "we're going to work".

Are these valid reasons for the children to some day send off their parents to "nurseries" and "daycare" when they have to go to work?

Note to daddies: kids require at least 2 hours of your quality time daily as they grow up.

I am not saying that it's not wrong to abandon parents, but I am seeing some strong causes as to why it happens. I do think, that it's not right to immediately blame the children without knowing what have really happened in their lives.

After all, we're all human.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Purpose: Sharing Sharing Sharing


My main purpose of creating this site is to make it a platform for daddies all around the world to share their experiences in the world of parenthood. It is a daunting task, in which many have failed and in the end give up. I don't think it has to end that way, especially since there are so many good dads in this world. Good dads can help other dads become as good as them and share their wisdom in upbringing their kids the way they know best.

From my observation, the cycle continues from generation to generation where children takes over and become exactly like their parent. Although father-daughter relationships is also as important as father-son relationships, the effect can be immediately seen on sons probably because of the gender similarity.

I am a father of a 14 month old son (at the time of writing), and I am still learning on how to be a good father. Having a father who is always absent proves that it is difficult to be a father without a good role model. I am full of anger and frustration since I was young.

However, I feel lucky that instead of embracing my father's way of upbringing his kids, I strive and struggle to be the best father I can be. I read parenting books, spend quality time together with my son and work hard. But I do need other help especially from other fathers. Good and bad examples alike, both are very valuable!

I lead a very hectic life, working from 8AM-7PM and then doing an education business during nighttime, but I try my best.

If you think that parenting and being a good dad is important, you are very welcome here but if you think that parenting should be handled only by mothers, maybe this is not the place for you. But you are welcome to stay and join us! No, you don't have to be a blogger; the name of this site is a little misleading. This is intended to be a place where dads unite.

If you are interested in contributing stories and articles, you are welcome to do so.